Since the initially successful effort by academia to ban US military recruiters on campuses has had frustratingly little effect on the overall recruitment numbers, the non-partisan organization "Professors Against Unfair Recruiting Practices" (PAURP) is pushing for a change in strategy to undermine the US military in wartime.
The so-called "Academia's New Iraq Strategy," designed to boost morale and guide activist professors out of an apparent quagmire, calls for a surge in numbers of "terrorist" recruiters on campus, as well as extending invitations to representatives of the Cuban, North Korean, and Venezuelan militaries.
- Student activist: Unlike our military, the Jihadis allow cross-dressing gays in their ranks. Their gowns are so sexy - and they are not ashamed to wear them! I hear they also let their gays get stoned. We could also act civilized for a change and let gays in our military smoke a joint once in a while.
- Dr. Palimpsest: The US military is like a locust swarm of imperialism turning day into night across the planet. No, no, wait; that's too biblical sounding - it's more like a rampaging troglodyte madly swinging its club around the globe and smashing whatever lies in its path.
- Professor Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD: Where's the new strategy? The allies are the same, the enemies are the same, the tactics are the same, even the progressive recruiters for freedom-fighting causes are the same. We are only being told that there is a new strategy because Dr. Palimpsest wants to get more donations to enlarge his decadent French vineries! I say donate to my blog instead!
"Our Universities are a public trust; they're learning laboratories where students should be exposed to as many ideas as possible - provided they don't promote the harmful notion of American military victory," said Dr. Winston Palimpsest, history professor at UC-Boulder and chairman of PAURP, which now boasts chapters on more than 200 colleges campuses nationwide.
"If Bush is sending 20,000 more troops to Iraq, how can the enemies of neocolonialism compete with those numbers without a fairness doctrine when it comes to recruitment?" Dr. Palimpsest said at a fund-raising event held yesterday in Seattle. "My colleagues in the academy are worried that their students are only getting one side of the story. In the interest of tolerance and diversity, as well as leveling the playing field - or should we say battlefield - we must redress the recruiting balance by boosting the numbers of recruiters from various so-called 'terrorist' organizations, communist regimes, and any group that opposes and resents American capitalist success."
Mr. Sayf Hazem, a representative of Hezbollah and the biggest donor of the Seattle fundraiser, says it's about time. "We've been discriminated against for too long on the college campuses of America," Hazem stated in a phone interview. "We know thousands of American students are depressed and suicidal. If we can get them to take a few Jews with them when they off themselves, then it's a win-win."
Source: (c) ThepeoplesCube, 2007