Григорий Громов (abcdefgh) wrote,
Григорий Громов

О типовой реакции "мирового сообщества" на события БВ кризиса

... и не только.

PS. Кто-то кстати уже и на английский перевел тоже:

The Secretary General of the UN came up with a brilliant peaceful solution to the conflict in the Middle East - a match of chess! Boris Gelfand was chosen to represent Israel, and the Hezbollah was represented by their local champion, Ahmed Najad.

The board was ready, the pieces, made in the shapes of UN soldiers, were set, and the Impartial European Referee started White's clock.

Gelfand got the white pieces, and made his first move: the blue-helmeted pawn stepped from e2 to e4. The response from Ahmed was swift -screaming "What the f*** is this, are you moving your soldiers on me!?", he grabbed the pawn and threw it into the trashcan. Surprised by such turn of event, Gelfand asked the Impartial European Referee for advice.

"One is not allowed to remove pieces from the board at whim." the IER rolled his eyes, "Such behavior only damages Black's interests, and does not bring him any closer to victory in the match. Your move, Boris."

Satisfied, Gelfand was about to take the pawn from the trash, when the Referee exclaimed, "Wait, what it is that you intend to do?"
"I intend to put the pawn back in its place, of course" Gelfand replied.

"Mr. Gelfand!" said the referee sternly, "Surely, you of all people must know that the rules do not allow for placing pieces from outside the board onto the board."
"But the pawn was on the board a moment ago!" Gelfand protested. "He removed it!"
"Even if your opponent violated the rules of engagement, it doesn't give you the right to do the same. One can only fight within the rules."

Gelfand sighed deeply, and moved another pawn, from d2 to d4. But, even before he had a chance to press the clock, Ahmed grabbed the pawn and threw it - this time straight in Gelfand's face, while screaming "Move a soldier once more and I will stick it up your ***!"

The Impartial European Referee was about to comment negatively on this move, when Gelfand retaliated by catching the piece and throwing it back at Ahmed.

"What are you doing?" the Referee yelled. "You are a Grandmaster, a chess professional, can you not defeat your opponent without violating the International Laws of Chess constantly? Do the Laws of Chess allow you to throw pieces? They most certainly do not! I could have expected something like this from your opponent, but not from you, Boris! As a sign of good will, I implore you to offer a draw at once."

Gelfand shook his head and took another piece in his hand. He was intent on finally making at least one move, but this was not meant to be. Ahmed Najad kicked him under the table rather painfully, and Gelfand, groaning, let go of the piece.

"If you touched the piece, you must move it." said the Impartial Referee, "Have you not heard of this rule? Violate it again, and I will be forced to sanction you. Violations of International Laws will not be tolerated in this UN-sponsored game."

And so, the game still continues by this day. All over the world, people are glued to their TV screens, eagerly awaiting the outcome. Will the Grandmaster ever be able to defeat his opponent honestly, without resorting to dirty tricks?

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