Григорий Громов (abcdefgh) wrote,
Григорий Громов

Из ответов Альберта Гора по вопросам науки:


Al Gore's Answers to His Science Class Final Exam

1. H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

2. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

3. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

4. Water is composed of two gins - Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin and Hyrogin is water and gin.

5. A super saturated solution is one that holds more water than it can hold.

6. Litre : A nest of young puppies.

7. Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

8. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

9. Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.

10. Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

11. The pistol of the flower is its only protection against insects.

12. A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

13. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

14 . For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the heart until the heart stops.

15. For head colds, use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

16. Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

17. The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in the fight.

18 . Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

19. When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.

20.Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.

21. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.

22. Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

23. To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.

24. A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

25. Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.

26. Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

27. We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget t o put the top on.

28. To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

29. In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's.

30. I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

31. Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.

32. Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

33. Wind is like the air, only pushier.

34. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.

35. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.

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